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Erika Kirk has opened up about the first hours after her husband, Charlie Kirk, was killed, recalling the small details at home that made his death feel real as the one-year anniversary of his shooting approaches.
In a New York Times opinion essay published Monday, Erika described the day after Charlie's death as feeling "like a fever dream" as she returned home to Phoenix from Utah.
Her children ran into her arms when she arrived, unaware of what had happened. But inside the house, the reality of her loss quickly set in. She sat on the couch where Charlie had watched the Cubs with their children just two nights earlier, overwhelmed by grief.
Erika had earlier told Usha Vance, wife of Vice President JD Vance, that she did not know how she would get through the loss. Vance held her hand and gave her advice that Erika says has stayed with her throughout the past year.
"Just get through the next 15 minutes," Vance told her, comparing the experience to being on an airplane with screaming children and focusing only on making it through until the plane lands.
That advice became especially important when Erika returned to the couple's bedroom.
Charlie's toothbrush and towel were still in the bathroom, exactly where he had left them. In the bedroom, she looked at his pillow and wondered how long his scent would remain in the sheets.
"I wasn't ready to be there," Erika wrote. She turned off the light and climbed into bed with their 3-year-old daughter instead.
For months, she avoided the bedroom as she gradually confronted the loss. Birthdays, holidays, their anniversary and other family milestones became reminders of the life Charlie would no longer share with them.
At their daughter's fourth birthday, Erika said she broke down while singing "Happy Birthday," wishing Charlie could have been there to watch his daughter blow out her candles.
Nearly a year later, Erika says the grief still comes in waves, but she has learned that grief and happiness can exist at the same time.
"I can miss him with every part of me and still laugh with our children. I can have a broken heart and still experience joy," she wrote.
Charlie was killed on Sept. 10, 2025, while speaking at a Turning Point USA event at Utah Valley University. He was 31 and left behind Erika and their two children.
As the anniversary approaches, Erika says she no longer fears the waves of grief in the same way. Instead, she sees them as moments that can make Charlie feel close again.
